The left side.
I’ve been a very passionate person for as long as I can remember.
I become obsessed with things quickly. I pour my entire being into relationships. I make traditions that I wouldn’t think to break. When I want to become something, do something or gain something, I will do whatever it takes. And the list goes on.
Tonight, I was standing at the foot of my bed thinking to myself, what would happen if I got on from the left side of the bed? (This has been my most frequent, minor obsessive compulsive action, if you will. I cannot enter my bed from the left side. I just can’t. That’s wrong. It must always be the right side). I literally stood there and my footing hesitated from left to right. I was at war with myself. This silly little quirk of mine was causing so much dissension within me. Unheard of right? Well, as I was standing there, a whole list of things that I wouldn’t dare do differently popped up in my head. Specifics. I mean, tons of traditions, actions, the types of relationships I have with certain people, my little quirks… Flooding into my head. Then I thought, how much am I missing out on because I am so set on doing things a certain way? How many opportunities? New friendships? Lessons? Adventure? All because I’m a little too comfortable with how I am. I guess I expect things to be or happen a certain way and when they don’t, I tend to panic a bit until I can pull myself together again to restore balance in my head.
See, I fear change. It’s one of my biggest fears. I think it’s because in my life, change has hurt more than it has ever helped. My favorite T.V. show said that change is good because it’s the only way we grow. I wish I could believe that enough to want it.
Anyways, back to the bed thing. So as I said, I was standing there, and I did it. Yep. I got in from the left side. And I panicked for a little bit in the beginning, but after I calmed down, I realized this: I have been living my life so set in my ways - This can only happen with this person. This must be done this way. This is only for these times. This is mine and I want it this way. - But life doesn’t wait for me. Everything else is moving on no matter which way I choose to do things. And I’m missing out on all that I don’t know, which I’m sure is a whole lot of great, because I prefer what I want and am used to.
The left side wasn’t so bad. In fact, here I am writing to you in bed and I am just as comfortable as I would’ve been if I had entered from the right side like I normally do. This might bother me a little bit for a little while. But I think that this, and many other things that I could change by doing differently is something I should get used to. Because I don’t want to miss out anymore. And the disappointment when things turn out differently is no longer worth it.